BBoy got the 1000th post, I get 1000th reply. (I didn't want to double post back on 999)

"...have a personality contest. Bartenders, as a rule, are supposed to be kind and understanding, and listen to your life's story as you drink something you hopefully paid for."
There was some approval until the rabbit with the irish accent jumped up and requested a beauty contest, with all the contestants in so much clothing no skin was viewable.
"A kilt contest!" cried Slayer, just to get Cobra mad at him.
"A tournament!" cried Firesword, juberantly. "We shall sign up then shoot stuff at each other, and the winner gets to be bartender and pay for all the damage caused by the tournament!"
"YAY!!!!" cried some random idiot, and the cheer was taken up by anyone who didn't care what they were cheering about, and one or two who did.
"This tournament is NOT a good idea." said Ducky, resolutely. "Even if the bartender paid for the damage, who would want to engage in psychotic fighting with their fellow 'Tavern-goers?
There was some nervous shuffling of feet, as the 'Taverners felt obligatory embarrassment, then stampeded towards the signup sheet, which BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ quickly held up in the air above most paws. "Wait, wait! To add a little plot to this contest, so it's not just mindless shooting at each other, I propose a condition. You can not particiapate without some mega weapon from far off places!" Still many faces were non-comittal, so BæÅüMÃ(-)Ñ hurridly added "..that you didn't have before!"
This led to public outcry, as may have been expected. Especially from Tyf.

He, being Ancoysnd for refrence points, need only contact ANTE-TUBBES, or whoever was manning the portable videophone back at Happy Puppy Pickle Inc. over portable videophone for help!
Hurridly, he broke the gum around one hand, and pulled out the portable videophone, in case you didn't guess. Holding down the "transmit" button, and waiting for the minature video camera to pop out, Ancoysnd began his plea for help.
"ANTE-TUBBES, or whoever is manning the portable videophone back at Happy Puppy Pickle Inc, help! While on my way to get my promotion job interview, I was captured by running gag police and a BeBop Cola machine, who are taking me away to get another job that I can't keep! No, this isn't an excuse to get me out of going to work today. HELP!"
Naturally, the guards didn't notice Ancoysnd's distress call.