Hello general Infrared population! This is your friend The Computer, with an all points bulletin! Alpha Complex has a shortage of Troubleshooters after last night's raid on on the Communist Secret Society, and as such is running open enrollment for the rank.
Do you have what it takes to become a Troubleshooter? Can you shoot the broad side of a barn? Will you enjoy the fact that all of your fellow troubleshooters are probably working together against you? Will you savor the fact that they also can probably burn you to a crisp with their mind with a treasonous mutant power? Can you keep your own treasonous mutant power a secret, known only to you and your treasonous Secret Society? Do you like running errands for your friend, the computer? Then apply within!
Perks include:
Red clearance
A six-pack of clones (in case of accidents)
A shiny new red popgun
Shiny red laser-reflecting armor
Com unit mark 1
A life expectancy of over 30 minutes
...and possibly much, much more!
Positions are limited, so please submit your applications to Mr. Green in secret and in a timely manner.

Have a nice day,
Your Friend the Computer.